Today, September 30, is my birthday, and I have been contemplating this since I woke up: what is the most important focus of this life? My answer: pursuit of the foundation of a numinous experience.
There is a form of so-called spirituality I have experience with that, for the most part and as far as I have been able to determine, has nothing to do with those organized religious distortions like mind/control, psychological programming. zealotry, blind faith, ‘tribe consciousness’ or New Age concepts. I refer to what I call a ‘numinous’ experience. In this I mean an experience, idea, inspiration, work of art or music, that can effect a palpable change that is experienced simultaneously with the intellect and deeper feeling.
For instance, I have been aware since I was a teenager that when I contemplate higher realities and concepts via my intellect, I can experience feelings of profound and deep connection. At times these have been to the point where “I” relaxes significantly, and then there is a witness and an intellect observing and experiencing. Sometimes even the witness awareness of itself relaxes and the experience is left in relationship with intellect. It can be a simple, aesthetic experience such as a sunset. Other times it has occurred while performing on stage (from age 6 to age 58!). I’ve spent three quarters of my life attempting to discover ‘what’ it is that fuels these experiences.
There is a vast difference between reactive emotionalism and higher/refined feelings. This isn’t evident to many, but with focus and determination, it does become recognizable. Especially when one has spent the better part of over forty years, like myself, seeking to understand these differences, as a path of Gnosis. I don’t say that to be all ‘oh look at me, woop-ti-dooo’! I had to do some really stupid things like have a Vedic/Hindu Guru to reach the place where I once and for all knew beyond any self-doubt, that these organized forms in this reality were bringing me down, and not higher. I did learn, thankfully, that I am innately suspicious when an entity comes into my meditation, and I’ve become a decent meditator who will not reach for anything outside of what I deem to be Me.
My Birthday Declaration
I choose to continue my pursuit of The Numinous throughout the rest of my time here.
Author’s Note:There is so much more that can be unpacked from what I’ve just written. The meaning of spirituality, and what constitutes a spiritual experience, is – and I feel should be – unique for each individual. If I do expand this post, it will be to hopefully inspire others to explore their own unique meanings.